Thursday, June 04, 2015

Invitation to Life

I know people who receive invitations for weddings, baby showers, and birthdays. These people are invited to share in the celebration of life of others.

I never get those invites. I have recently been asking myself why that is. Could it be because I'm one of those people who say no to everything?  Oh maybe I'm the Debby Downer? Maybe it's that I have very few friends and one the ones I do have have no life changes to celebrate? Count it be that I've been locked away in social jail for so long I forget what it's like to engage with people around me? What's appropriate to say what not to say?

Or could it be simply that I don't see myself as one of those people others want to celebrate with? Could it be that I chose to be on the sidelines of life and be content with looking in? Has this always been the case with my life? Did I learn this from my parents? Could it be because I moved around so much in my life I've never figured out how to belong or attach to others? I think about these things when I'm alone. Not always but enough to make me feel like a visitor in this world. Do I have to be present in other people's lives?  Is it simple enough to just put yourself out there and ask if someone wants to spend time with you? Would the rejection be too much to bear? If it didn't hurt a bit would that mean I didn't care?

Things have been changing for me, I've been changing myself. Sometimes when I'm in a group of people I need to check out for a bit, like I feel over whelmed. Too many words, too much noise. I wonder of its because I didn't really want to be with them, but it's not that at all. It's just that I spend so much time alone in silence and my own thoughts that engaging in a group if often just listen and watch, not on the sidelines but as an observer of others. Someone who listens, who watches, who asks questions. This is the person I've been. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to photography, it's capturing those moments in life that represent a memory.

Even now as I write, I just let the words flow from me. I don't hold them back or arrange them in a certain order. It's as if they were meant to come out this way. Like they have been held back and as they rush forward they already know where they belong and fall in like good little soldiers.

These words are not mine I'm only the person to deliver them. Images are my gift to the world.


Post a Comment

<< Home