Sunday, November 23, 2014

Self Love starts with Friendship with yourself

Recently I've been doing alot of self reflection on what love means to me. Both love to & from others, and Self Love.

The Oxford Dictionary defines Love as: An intense feeling of deep affection (tender attachment). So it makes sense that Self Love is having a intense feeling of tender attachment for yourself. When I reread that statement it makes me think if I have ever had Self Love. I honestly can never say I have been very tender to myself, or had much of an attachment for myself more than a couple hours at a time. Which not that I think about it, thats pretty sad. I know myself better than anyone else, even the dear reader of this blog. :)

Can you say that you have Self Love? It reminds me of the quote I have heard many time recently.

“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”


So maybe Self Love is too much to ask for right away. I mean unless you really know yourself well how could you possibly love someone you don't really know? When Nietzsche wrote:

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

maybe he had a point. If we can't be friends with ourselves then how can we truly want spend the rest of our lives with us? So I pose this challenge to myself and to you as well. For the next 2 weeks, treat yourself like you would your bestie. Be kind, gentle and more loving. Take yourself out to do things that you enjoy, or stay in and read a book together. Really embrace spending time with just you. Maybe try starting a journal to keep your thoughts about how this is going so you can look back on it sometime and read what you wrote and what your frame of mind what.

Remember Self Love starts with a friendship with yourself. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Ever listen to a song but not LISTEN to the lyrics? The Great Escape

So I basically have had a shit past couple days, I have been doing destructive things just because I can. I've been trying to be positive for people who ask even though I am not really. I didn't know how "off" I've been until this evening when a song from Pink was playing while I am driving. The Great Escape

I don't know if you have even listened to the actual lyrics, they are pretty raw. They remind me of how I feel sometimes and for about few minutes I thought it might be better to just let go and slip away in the night.

Sure I have people around me that I can share some feelings with, but how do you discuss this people? That I rather not be here anymore. That I am just tired of fighting to keep from drowning everyday. My own darkness swallows me up sometimes. And sometimes I just let it, give in, even feed the darkness with hopes that it will just finally take over. How do you bring that up in a conversation, I can hear it now,"You know how I've been seeing a therapist and going through a lot in my life in the past couple months and I just can't get through it, well I decided I am going to be selfish and just end it all because I am too weak to go on." Even now as I write these words I judge myself and think how pathetic it all sounds. I am incapable of even self empathy and its no wonder I feel disconnected from the world around me.

All my life I have had a dark-side that I've been afraid of, the scary thing for me is that the more I let my rage surface the more powerful and motivated I feel. My fear isn't what I would do if I let it out, I know what I am capable of, people under estimate what I am capable of all the time, they misjudge me and think I am this nice guy and they have no fucking clue. I fear I would enjoy it, and embrace the rage and darkness and truly the only things that keeps me in check most of the time is the fear of repercussions and penalties of my actions, which for now is enough but I am not sure it this will always be so.

Things like this just me laugh at the inhumanity of it all. I always thought if I did think it was my time to go, I would just cash out all of my savings and just go on a eternal vacation, but after tonight I realize that once that feeling takes ahold and you give into it, you can slip away so fast. Look your end in the eye and welcome and embrace it to finally take you away from all the pain.

I would never take pills, a blade, or bullet to do it. The only way for me is to go out in a firey inferno. My last feeling would be like to be scorched like the surface of the sun before I go to the frozen wasteland for an eternity.

*This is a record to myself of Nov 11th, 2014 and how I felt for just a few minutes.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

WTF is wrong with hugs?

So WTF is wrong with America and their fear of hugs?

*After spending too much time on this post, I have reread it and realized my own writing voice wasn't really here. For this post my writing has taken on a more academic feel, more professional yes, but not so much me. I will infuse my voice back into future posts*

America is a country filled with citizens that have mental health issues, who are stressed out, and a population of overweight adults and childhood and adolescent obesity that has more than doubled and quadrupled in 30 years, respectively. So if hugs are so great and they promote strong connections with others, great self esteem, and are have about 5 other positive physiological properties why is the administration so against them?

Slate writer suggests that we should stop giving hugs altogether because you are awkward. I would suggest wouldn't the awkwardness be an indicator of a poorly concreted relationship? Instead of throwing out the hug, how about you work on those relationships and stop being lazy and just pushing people away?

News and examples of limiting hugs

School throughout America and website have been jumping on the "no hug" bandwagon making hugs look like a bad thing for the past couple years. West Sylvan Middle School in Portland, OR is an example of a school that has banned all hugging citing "hormones" as their primary reason for the ban. WTF? Really? Has anyone ever considered that for school age kids hugs are really a physical representation on how connected people are these days and it just makes their connection more real? There are even websites have 20 somethings writing about that hugging is a problem voicing their personal opinions without stating any true detriments aside from being personally uncomfortable, I am uncomfortable seeing guys in khaki pants with blue shirts but I am not going to claim it as news and write about it. No wonder students are turning to sex earlier and using illicid drugs to boost oxytocin and serotonin levels (both benefits of hugging).

Science behind why hugs are great for you. 

Why are the baby boomers pushing their social norms onto other people? Aren't they the ones that had love-ins in the 1960's? One would suggest they want children and adolescents to grow up maladjusted and reliant on them for their whole life to retain the power and control over things they never really had.  The science suggests that children that securely attachment, grow up with better self-esteem, more independent, perform better in schools, have successful social relationships, and experience less anxiety and depression.

To better understand the positive effects of hugs on a body and mind I went to Google. With 54 million pages with information, I picked this one from the first page:

The article suggests that a person would benefit from at least 8 hugs a day in both their mental and physical health. Reading through the benefits of hugs were some pretty positive health benefits for both a person's mental and physical well being. I think I could benefit from some of those health benefits as most of America with all of our chronic disease.

I have considered that I wrote this because counting up the number of hugs I receive on a daily basis I came up short. I thought about over the past year the people in my life that hugged me, then I thought about the number of hugs those people gave me a day, and for the most part I came up about 7 short most days.  Even having a significant other in my life didn't get me any higher numbers, in-fact my friends give me hugs more often and more sincerely. Now there are guidelines for hugging at work.

So if you want to go out and be healthy hug someone you are close to. Create and establish stronger connections with people around you to share the mental and physical benefits and well as sharing energy with them. How many hugs did you have today? Could you benefit from a few more?

Could it be that people have children because of their own low self-esteem developed in childhood? Could it been they have children themselves to feel the love they never received in their own families? It's a bold statement but one worth considering.

Monday, November 03, 2014

I Don't Like Mondays?

Many of you may not like Mondays. But why is that? Did you have such a great time over the weekend that the thought of going to work seems depressing? Is your work life that much different from your personal life? Are you ok with that? Is work an end to your means or the reason why you exist?

There was a shooting in San Diego in January 1979 that the boomtown rats memorialized to song. Back then a public shooting was not as common place as it is today. An interview suggested the gunman did it to liven up the day. What would it take for you to liven up your day? A shooting? Or could it be something more unique to your personality? Dancing, singing, or anything to reconnect yourself to the planet and your own body.

Shut your office door or go to your car or an iPod in the janitors closet - put on your favorite song and dance reconnect to your body and your emotions. Remember what it feels to be you, the you that only you know. Spend those 3 minutes just reveling in the love of yourself like no one is watching, like you are the only person in the world and its all yours.

How did that feel? What if you could feel like that everyday? What would that feel like? How would you feel about others? Who said that you can't feel like that everyday? You can and you owe it to yourself because you deserve it.

Go out and reconnect with yourself, fall in love with who you are for all your uniqueness. The world gave you the life experiences to see the world in your own special way, embrace it I mean really own it. Surround yourself with people who love you for you. Open up your heart and share yourself with people. Good luck with your journey, its a wonderful ride.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


People claim to know what normal is or isn't. They know what it looks like. How the hell is that possible?

Normal doesn't look a certain way, it doesn't feel a certain way (potentially smells a certain way!). 

My heard desires for things I consider normal, a family to love me unconditionally, someone to hold my hand when I am feeling disconnected from the world around me, friends to tell me when I am messing up/ celebrate my successes/ and make me laugh when I am sad, 

Maslow's Hierachy of Needs suggests that we need certain things inorder to survive.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
Lao Tzu

This has never been my way of thinking. Growing up and moving around I rarely considered what other people thought of me. East Coast, MidWest, Pacific Northwest, or So Cal, they all had their trends and what was "cool" over the years, I preferred to march to the beat of my own drummer. Which reminds me of the quote from Walden.

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to music which he hears, however measured or far away."
- Henry David Thoreau

This makes me smile every time I read or say this Thoreau quote out loud. I have never wanted to be a drummer but have always made or heard my own music. I do things no one around me can or cares to do. One thing I have noticed recently is that I do what I think I should do instead of listening to my soul and doing what it longs for. Listening deep to our souls isn't easy and honestly I only get hints of what it's trying to tell me every now and again, but I keep listening for the message. I have been a prisoner of others on only 3 occasions that I can think of. First my step father, his immature view on the planet and having run our house like a dictator instilling valuable beliefs (sarcasm here) like "it's my house and if you don't like it there is the door." The second my significant other, believing that people should "act" a certain way instead of just listening to their hearts, I hope this person finds their own voice and stops listening to the parents. Lastly, the loudest, longest lasting, and most important voice has been my own. I have made myself a prisoner of my own thoughts and actions. Believing in my thoughts instead of creating my thoughts and believing in them as a conscious mind. As of October 21, 2014 I choose to manifest my own destiny with positive creative thoughts. I will construct a world the I deserve to be in and that loves me unconditionally. I challenge you to also do the same. 

Friday, September 05, 2014

Listening Seattle

Returning from my Labor Day away in Portland, I was listening to Pandora and an ad for Seattle music comes up. I clicked it and added *visitseattle as a channel. Was it a sign? Did the Universe know I was jonesing for some new music? Both or neither could be true. Either way, I have been enjoying some distinctly "Seattle" music.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Free Music Thursday

Last year while working at a desk job, I would play this song late in the afternoon to keep my motivated and at my desk instead of wandering to someplace more interesting (like playing real frogger with myself on the freeway). I've been told its kinda folksie but I like it. Hope you do too.

where do you find inspiration?

So recently my life has gone through a tremendous change and I am having a hard time comprehending it. One of the constants in my life since birth has been change. I have lived in at least 13 different cities in my life, and probably nearly two dozen addresses which factor at moving every 2 years since birth. For the first time in a long time I have an option of what I want to do with my life and where.

Since I was a kid I wanted to design cars. Recently I attended a graduation at the Art Center and was inspired that it was possible that design in some way cold still be part of my future. The cold hard truth has surfaced that all of my habits will keep me from moving in that direction. Call it laziness, call it depression, call it whatever you would like, it doesn't change the fact that I am limiting myself a beautiful future with my thoughts, my personal beliefs, and my actions. This will be the first step on my journey to success.

The questions that I find myself asking these days are:

  1. what gets me out of bed everyday?
  2. what do I enjoy and look forward to?
  3. what do I do for fun?
  4. what am I passionate about?
  5. who do I want to be when I grow up and how can I get there?

Dear readers, where do you find your inspiration? What ways do you stay inspired to follow your dreams?

Friday, August 22, 2014

My Inspiration

I find most of the world around me very limiting.  There are rules for everything these days, what time to start work, speed limits, stop lights, times restaurants start/stop serving dinner, taxes, ways to dress, the right things to say, standing forward in an elevator, what to include in a resume, which fork to use, and how to make small talk. I believe all these "rules" are meant to control people, keep them in a little box and limit their creativity and impact on the world.

As if external controls aren't enough, but then I see most people believe it when their bosses tell them the skills they suck at they need to get better at (thats bullshit, thats what a team is for) and when people tell them they can't do something they believe it.

I think belief is a magical thing, I have seen someone belief in themselves make magic. When I am feeling the world is too over whelming for me, I seek inspiration in many ways, the easiest way is movies. There are only a few movies I find inspiration true inspiration in.

Back to the basics

I started my day as any other day with intentions and plans of what I would get done, achieve, and finish. And like most days I get taken away, swept up. Most days I journey down a path of misdirection not discovering anything new. But somedays, like today I am I directed to a place that makes me feel like home, a place that I can't seem to find but instantly know when I am there. I want to revel in it, throw off my coverings and embrace the warmth and love. Drink it all in knowing I can't stay here, that I will be called away to soon.

Questions I have never asked myself are - What would it be like to be here forever? What if I wasn't pulled away? Told to leave? What if I could stay in this magical place longer and longer until I was just here? How could I make this happen? Would it be the same on the last hour of my visit as it is my first?

For a long time I have longed to be creative, make something to prove that I exist in the world, that my life has meaning. All my life I have dabbled in creative things. I used to draw cars, assemble models, write stories, and even tried to make a chair at one point (it was a disaster). I never did these things for anyone else, only myself. Is that selfish to enjoy the elation of the creative? Like being stoned or drunk from a few glasses of wine. Whereas, I don't think my creativity will make an impact on the world, is it too much to want it to make even the smallest positive impact on someone else's life? Is that selfish?

When I write I feel the elation. I don't follow proper grammar or any of the other rules of language but yet I still express myself. And isn't that what being creative is?

I have said over and over again, I don't want to be famous I just want the money and to be left alone. Where I currently live I am surrounded by people who want to "make it", write the next big thing, because famous. This is something I have always loathed. I crave freedom, not the type that you get to choose what you work on, but true freedom, that you can choose which city you want to visit next, I want to drink in life. I will say it again I want to drink in life. And that is my wish for my future.

But going back to the reason for this post. While displacing myself into a zone of safety, I lay in bed watching the light filter in, the breeze create a stir of the tree. Embraced by the eternal Eskimo Hug. My mind searching as if being guided for something to consume. I found the movie "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" which I have watched many times. Never with anyone else, such as a movie theatre, but always in the security of my own space. Able to embrace the feelings that were intended either by the writers or the reflection of my own memories. Feelings I am not sure anyone else on this planet has, or can understand.

The movie reminds me of high school as does the song by The Smith, "Asleep" is exactly how I've been feeling as late. No words I can produce sums it up better nor any chord played.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Update and new writings

I haven't published for a long time, several years specifically. I don't know why I stopped probably because I was writing for others (whom I didn't even know) instead of writing for myself.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Terms of Service on your site

My dog walking directory is set up. I went to the 2nd Annual Dog Fair in San Diego, California. Shared my dog walking ideas with other dog friendly people and received great feed back. One of the pieces of advice was to add zip codes to the dog walking directory for customer to use to search.

Another thing I found after replicating the add a Dog Walker process is that the dog walker information requested either redundant or unnecessary. So I am going through it and adding more dog walker specific information. Dog Walker city, state, and zip code (in a pull down menu to keep the database clean) as well as allowing either a logo or picture but not both (too much information on my server which may slow it down).

Additionally on the bottom of the add a Dog Walker entry form lists a Terms of Service link. I am not a lawyer, and for the most part believe them to be unnecessary. I am sure many of you are going to disagree with me, but I think anyone who has an hourly bill rate at 10x what the average American gets paid is overkill. So I am searching for a quick and simple Terms of Service just to cover myself.

Here is a great Terms of Service article, but more specifically the comments are great. Will keep you posted on what type of terms a dog walker directory needs.

Labels: ,