Sunday, January 04, 2015

Alone on Holidays?

I originally started this blog post two weeks ago before Christmas was here. With the holidays I just didn't get to the things I wanted to and instead spent time with friends and got to know them a bit more. Since my time is open today I had some time to reflect on things and thought I would finish this post for myself, and you my readers.

My life circumstances have changed dramatically in the past 4 months. I have gone from feeling alone while in a relationship to no longer being in that relationship and feeling more loved than I have in years. Over the past months I have purposefully had deeper conversations with friends about what is really going on in their lives. We are more intimately connected now than any other point in our lives. I believe this happened because I have consciously opened my heart and my mind to invite and welcome others to me.

I blogged about being ALONE before. This is the first holiday season that I have not been coupled up in nearly 2 decades. Yes, that is a long time and because of this I can say that I have felt less alone this holiday season than I have in the past. Holidays past I would go over to someone else's family's house for lunch/dinner for the umpteenth time where I would sit/stand around and attempt painful small talk. I find it so difficult to be so superficial for so long and never really building any intimacy and real conversation.  It's not my place to call out the big elephant in the room (well only with the close friends and my own immediate family). Thankfully, for the rest of the holiday meals I have left I can choose who I spend them with.

My intention was to spend my Christmas Eve, Day, and day after at a nice hotel on the beach with my two adventure companions. I wanted to bring a stack of books, my journal, and my laptop and continue my reading and writing and introspection. Instead I reconnected with a long time friend, his girlfriend, and his dad over cards and dinner. I also had two of my social circles touch briefly which I haven't had happen in a very long time, much too long in fact and hoping to change that in the new year.

I enjoy surrounding myself with a TRIBE of people whom I can be my honest self and more authentic self. To me there is nothing worse than having people in your life that you are physically close to but can't be authentic with them. I understand it isn't possible at work most of us but with friends and family that is a different story.

How about you my dear readers?  Were you alone on the holidays? Did you have people around you to celebrate with that didn't really even know you? Do these people really know you, your challenges, or your goals? Or did you stand around making nice small talk about grandma's lovely fruit cake (which no one ever finishes a whole slice)?

Were you yourself this holiday? Were you your true self?

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