Woke up to a Realization

After about an hour or so of discussion before bed, I woke up with the realization in a few months from now I will be working for someone else again. It is with much pain and sadness, that I will need to spend a few hours each day trying to be whatever a prospective employer wants me to be instead of what I know I can be.

I do not look upon this change as failure so much as a lack of trying hard enough. It seems although I do spend several days working more than 12 hours a day, I do not feel I spend enough time on what matters go get my idea off the ground.

Honestly, this is my only the first venture of my own. For the past several years I have doodled business ideas during meetings, lunch, and in the middle of the night. Time and money were not the things that held me from moving forward with my ideas, although most people would say that is why they do not. The reason why is, 1) I had no idea how to do it 2) I was not willing to make the commitment 3) possibly I had a choice not to do it because I was making enough money everyday to put food on the table

I will never stop coming up with ideas, they bounce around in my head all day long even when I don't want them to. When I am employed it is all I can think about, what can I do, or make, or create, or design to keep from being trapped at this desk everyday for the rest of my life.

My frustration with myself grows on a daily basis, for some reason I just can't engage the same way other people do. I have always prided myself on being able to see things other people can't, but that really is not a quality that should be valued. The real value is being able to follow through with your idea, from cradle to grave. My idea is still in it's infancy, just barely crawling and I need to put it down.