Thursday, December 04, 2014


*I wrote this post quickly and will continue to revise and add to this as my experiences and understanding of myself continues to proliferate.

TRIBE is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as "A social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader."

My idea of TRIBE is interchangeable or supplemental with the word FAMILY. A reader suggested not including children in what I view as family isn't going to be widely accepted. I would never purposefully leave out children because they are part of our social fabric. Children keep us honest to ourselves, modest to our accomplishments, and a reason to continue to make the world a better place. I didn't mention children possibly because I don't have my own, or possibly because I didn't feel included in my own family and their decisions as a child. Possibly why I never decided to have them, and yes having children my dear readers is a choice, you know where babies come from and how to prevent them.

But I digress, back to the TRIBE. I use TRIBE to explain the type of people that surround me by choise (either because the decisions I made put me in direct contact with them or actively seeking out people out for their skills, education, or life experience). TRIBE has a very visceral connotation to most people, and that is my reasoning for using the word. I want my TRIBE to be an emotional exchange, a place where everyone feels safe and connected, free to be themselves but still have mutual respect for everyone (especially their feelings), and a place people can be honest even if it means saying their truth that they have never uttered to themselves out loud, a place that they can feel supported and seek guidance, and a place that they can feel empowered to share their talents and gifts to others in the tribe.

Rereading this sounds too good to be true, but if you think about a TRIBE in the rainforest, everyone is responsible for certain tasks. Each of your tasks added up with my tasks added up with everyone else's tasks make our TRIBE able to survive. Why could this not be replicated in the modern world? Perhaps the successful people have already figured this out? Or could it be fear (unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something or someone is dangerous) which is in the future and you have no control over so leave it in the future keep moving forward.

Just so we are clear, my tribe would have nothing to do with any bullshit reality show that tries to recreate a TRIBE which competes for prizes or encourages manipulations and lies.

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Most of my adult life I have felt alone. It could be because as a kid I moved many times back and forth across the country which means I have changed schools ALOT. To put that into perspective, I have attended 10 different schools between Kindergarden and 12th grade. Take a moment to think about that, it means sometimes I moved twice in a single school year. Making friends was something I always had to do, or just be ALONE until I moved again.

Only a few people I know grew up living in the same community and attended high school with some of the same kids they attended elementary school. Most people I know have only moved a few times at the most when they were a kid. To put it simply, I have no idea what that would be like. I have a great imagination so I could create a story line of how they are connected, what life events they have shared, experiences they have gone through, even how they wore some of the same halloween costumes. Stories are stories, but I can't imagine what the emotions would be like (good or bad) with having school and life being familiar to me, living in a community that you felt connected to even belonged in.

I've lived my life as a nomad and an outsider and to many of the normal human experiences as well. Even something as simple as being invited to a friends wedding has only happened to me 4 times in my life, one of the times was my own sister. Maybe I am not alone in my feelings. Maybe my dearest readers you also have felt that longing to belong and not live on the outside.

Every few years even as an adult I wake up in a new place, everything different even the bed I sleep on. My space (place I live) isn't surrounded with books, mementos of my travels, pictures of my friends, or even furnishings that make me feel safe and secure when surrounded by them. I take only my memories in my suitcase moving from place to place. Discarding all but only a handful of my earthly possessions every time.

Familiarity is a luxury that I have never afforded myself, either through life circumstance or life choices. Forcing myself to endure life change and having to fight to make connections and understand my place in my new world allows me to reinvent myself often, but I have also lost myself along the way. Now is the time for me to create my home and surround myself with people whom I can be myself with and hope to pass on a bit of the love that they have shown me.

2015 is about creating my tribe and not being/feeling alone anymore. The definition of ALONE as defined by is "separate, apart, isolated from others." Living in Los Angeles for the past 2 years I have felt this pretty often. Even people who are supposed to be your friends don't make time to connect with me and after a little bit I get the message and disconnect entirely from them. This process of connecting and disconnecting seems to happen often in my life, similar to flow of traffic on a busy after noon. The green light connects me with the cars who have gotten further down the road in front of me, the red light separates us again.

Being ALONE is near to impossible these days. Although I spend most of my time alone, I am learning to connect with friends throughout the day. I don't mean Tweets, or posts on Facebook which I feel just get lost and the energy they are sent with gets spread thin. But instead a primary connection (phone, text, meeting). Everyone gets to busy (including myself) and they forget that the simple act of touching and a smile can make a difference in the world.

Because how I approach things and how I view the world, most people can't understand the things I see, which I guess in a way is why I started this blog. To help the world understand how I see their world and makes me feel a little less alone.

I attribute this post to the song ALONE by Armin van Buuren, filmed in Los Angeles, shows multiple scenes of people who are disconnected from others around them. What they can't see is that they are similar to people in close proximity.

Even when I feel alone, I know support is just a text or phone call away. Remember that even in this big world we are never alone reach out to people in your tribe and say hello.

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