Sunday, January 11, 2015


When I reflect on my life, it seems to wander around a bit. And what I mean by this is: new interest and new people wander in and out of my life. Ever since I was a child I had a nomadic life and moved often. I have noticed that the ones that are supposed to be in my life right now stick around and those that aren't leave. This might be odd for people who haven't moved around as much as I have. Unlike others, I am not a collector. I have nothing that I collect for a hobby, passion, or obsession. I take in only what is necessary or that is purposeful. I own less than 10 DVDs, even less CDs. My interest in things develop slowly, and go in waves. I don't gather people around me to make myself feel better, or keep me from being alone. What actions I do spend in my life, like writing, are my self expression through words (I can't really call it writing) has been present several times in my life and it is resurfacing again. It never really went away, I just had other priorities and now I can be more serious about it. 

Many of my experiences, interests, or people that come into my life some would say are serendipitous. Serendipity is defined as "the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way."

I like the idea of Serendipity, where things happen in my life by chance in a happy or beneficial way, but I think we invite occurrence and events. We welcome in what we think we need in our lives. 

There is a quote from a movie that "We accept the love we think we deserve." Perks of Being a Wallflower. I think the same can be said for people in our lives. We accept the type of people in our lives we think we deserve. What do you deserve? Are those the type of people who are around you? 

Sometimes someone comes into your life when you least expect it. Not someone who kicks the door open but someone who just happens to wander inside. Even without knowing it, this person rearranges things ever so subtly with the best and most kind of intentions. One day you wake up and realize that you have been changed. Your first reactions to boredom, or frustration is no longer acted upon but instead considered as an option instead of the only answer to the situation. Or the real question is did I allow this? Or what it me to begin with?

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What do single people do with their time when alone?

So it's a rainy Saturday night. I sit here with nothing to do. The thought of watching a movie or a series of some kind would be like watching paint dry, but yet I can't think of anything productive or interesting to do. When I was in school I would draw, when I had a house I would remodel. I guess I don't really have a hobby or I am in hobby limbo.

I read an article that was quite shocking about how people prefer to give themselves electric shocks than to be alone with their thoughts. Am I one of those people? I actually think I am. As much as I say that I am a loner, I prefer to be alone, I really don't enjoy just spending time by myself, without the typical media distractions (youtube, netflix, or pandora). You know somedays I don't actually see another physical person all day, let alone talk to one. Do you live a life like this? Could you?

I think this is why I started my blog to get my feelings out, but I think sometimes its not enough. My feelings of expression come fast and I can't put them down fast enough and they get lost. Are they worth capturing, or like many thoughts are they just fleeting and unless you do something with them they are nothing?

I am not actually sure what the point of this entry is. Its not to make you feel sorry for my solitary existence, or call me up to want to spend time with me, but maybe like a few other posts last year, its a record of how I feel as a marker in time. I could just be a record of my own naivety. Of course I people who get into relationships so they don't feel like they are all alone on the planet and going through the motions for no reason.

Well dear readers, that is all for now. I may choose to further develop this post at another time.

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